Uhhhh 1. Not a doctor, and 2. nothing I say here should be taken seriously, but sure!
ARALLYN GIVES HEALTH TIPS
- Make sure it’s water! H2O is much more satisfying than H2O2.
- Don’t pet platypodes, at least if they’re male. They’ll venom-spike your butt.
- Heavy water will kill you if you drink it exclusively.
- Don’t offend the giraffes.
- Eat your kale! I don’t know why but people keep telling me that it’s “good for you”, so do that.
- Mostly don’t listen to people who tell you what’s “good for you”, cause humans are mostly dumb. If they’re a doctor they might not be as stupid, but if they’re trying to sell you something, you still might not want to listen to them.
- Try to keep the alcohol content in your blood under half of your total volume. I hear it’s essential to life.
- Don’t be an asshole. It can lead to being punched in the face. THAT’S not healthy.
- In the words of my grade 9 health teacher, “THE ANUS DOES NOT SELF-LUBRICATE” (no, really, that was her one consistent line throughout the semester)
- Remember that you need to eat and bathe when you get engrossed in video games. Also move! Moving is good for you.
- DON’T TRY TO LIVE ON PIZZA HUT FOOD. IT WILL MAKE YOU DEAD.